Posts by Coffee House Girl

8

Judicial Committee Excuses

by asilentone in

back in 2001 or 2002, a jw sister who i consider it as a friend confided in me that his son got df'd, she told me about all of the details.

he tried not to get df'd.

he started explaining to the elders why he committed fornication with another jw sister(also got df'd) is that he personally watched his uncle shot himself in the head.

Coffee House Girl

Yup, never been an elder but I agree with OZ and Farkel-

Its how repentent you look (cry,cry, & cry some more)- and it helps who you are (is your dad the CoBe?)

CHG

13

i know, i know...it's all part and parcel of the whole fading thing.....but..... i missed a phone call from an unknown number tonight....oddly enough, had this been a few months ago the number would have still been programmed in my phone.

the number was to the kingdom hall i used to attend over a year ago.

i have not set foot in it since probably late april, early may, of 2009. but tonight an elder called.

Coffee House Girl

I can totally relate...

I left Sept 3 of 2009- after the initial shock of leaving- visits from elders wanting to know why and convince me to stay or write a letter da'ing myself wore off- I felt more free to live the lifestyle I wanted, started dating a wonderful man- I kept all this from my mom and dad because my mom is an uber JW and I knew that she would shun me like all the rest of my family did if I told her I have a man I live with (now engaged to). The silence went on for about six months & I thought they let me go...

Then the CO visit, then the calls began from the hall that the elders want to talk to me, that there is a situation that has come up that they are concerned about. I thought Shit...they aren't going to just let me go.

I have ignored their phone calls for the last co visit ( they quit after 3 sundays of calling from the hall). Another CO visit is due soon...thus I fear they will press the issue again.

I learned through other's experience on this site that they can DF me in absentia if I do not respond to them and they feel they have enough evidence (trial and execution without my testimony) This of course is total BS & after much thought I decided that I want them to DF me in absentia. Then when my mom asks me why I was DF'd I can say "I honestly do not know, they conducted the JC without me and made their decision without talking to me, if you want to shun me based on that, it is your decision."

I wish you luck....I am happy for you also that you feel free to live your life the way you want :) your happiness with that makes me firm in my resolve that I also am doing the right thing for me-

CHG

24

The Greatest Lesson the Watchtower Ever Taught Me

by jamiebowers in

jw
friends

the greatest lesson that the watchtower has taught me is to give the love that has been taken from me.

our mother shuns my brother and me to the extreme.

just this morning she told me on the phone from her hospital bed that we will have to learn her diagnosis through the grapevine.. she wasn't always like this.

Coffee House Girl

Jamie,

Thank you for your thoughts on this thread...since the day will come soon that my mom will find out that I am engaged to coffee shop guy (not a JW) and I will not return to the Borg & she will be faced with the choice to shun me too.

She expressed to me last week that she is sure that my dad (faded JW decades ago) and my brother (living with them but not going to meetings) is smoking and she will have to turn them into the elders again and it will make her life so hard....I dont know what she wanted my response to be (I gave no response) but...

you are doing a great thing, a healing for you and a help to all us lost ones out there....

thank you, I hope I can pass along help and comfort to others in the same shoes like you have

CHG

194

Bethel Rules

by brotherdan in

this was brought up just in passing on another thread.

but i wanted to see if there are any bethelites or ex bethelites that remember some of the crazy rules we had to follow when we were there..

Coffee House Girl

Wow, thanks for this thread- some parts were funny but mostly deeply disturbing- as a "sister" I never held out aspirations to serve at bethel (I was soooo thankful, it did not sound appealing to me). I heard some things about the "rules" from my ex husband who spent six months in Patterson-

A sweet young kid from my cong went for a year (I always sent him $$ because I knew he had no luxuries there, but I had no idea they had to pay for AC, WTF!), he told me out in service when he got back that it was hard getting used to field service again because the bethelites were too busy in construction/printing work to go out (he hadn't been out in over 8 months) & I thought at the time that it was wrong for the GB to enforce hourly requirements on us regular folks because preaching wk was top priority, yet the mecca discourages service over manual labor-

I am so glad you all are out of that hell forever

CHG

27

Mom in hospital, WHAT TO DO?

by Out at Last! in

jw
friends

it seems that i have quite a dilemma: i just found out that my mother is in the hospital.

she does not speak to me or my sister.

she is told by the people who publishes the books and magazines that she sells (jehovahs witnesses) that she cannot speak to us or eat a meal with us.

Coffee House Girl

I am sorry OAL & Jamie for your dilema-

I wouldn't want to involve the elders either, I like the suggestion on calling the floor nurse...I fear confronting someone who is so entrenched with the disfellowshipping thing like your mother...my mom adopts it so fervently that when my brother was df'd and suicidal he called my mom for help & she talked to him but I heard her telling him on the phone "your jeopardizing my spirituality by talking to me, I don't want to loose holy spirit" WTF!!!!

I wish you both the best, & I hope your mother recovers well-

CHG

50

A Short Introduction............

by Night Owl in

i am a former ms and have been active and inactive since i stepped down about 20 years ago.

i am currently inactive.

i may attend a meeting or two a month, sometimes none.. i have no feelings of animosity towards the organization, or anyone in it.

Coffee House Girl

Hello Night Owl & Elm!!!

I agree that it is nice that you are so zen about the exit cult experience, although it is true in my case that even though I do not harbor hate for my former friends and family that shun me currently- it is hard to move on when you want to have a normal relationship with your mom and dad & you have this huge wedge driven in...

I am thankful for this site which gives me an outlet to vent to people who understand what we are all going through- I encourage you all to do so whenever you are having a "bad day" (everyone has them).

CHG

13

Another thread to my story

by MrFreeze in

this is a story that is very hard for me to tell.

as a matter of fact, this is really one of the only times i've told this story.

a few years back, i met a girl while at the local community college.

Coffee House Girl

I am glad you were able to get that out- you've been holding in that grief for so long, thank you for sharing-

I wish you peace (someday... I know it will take a lot of time)

CHG

14

Show us your first post!

by sacolton in

jw
friends

here's mine:.

i just disassociated myself after nine long years in the wtbts after researching the history of the wtbts and its founders and their lies, false prophecies and mind-control doctrines.

read my profile for more about that.

Coffee House Girl

OMG- mine is so friggin long!!! no obligation to read all this :)

CHG

Hello All you ex & fading jdubs- I have been reading everyone's posts here and I am so thankful for this site, all of your comments have been very helpful during this difficult time- THANK YOU :)

I thought I was the first person to ever think of the concept of fading away, lol, now I read many of your stories so much like mine I realize how naive I was.

I was raised in the borg by my mother, everyone I ever knew or had a relationship with my whole life was a jdub. I was married to a MS for seven years until he decided to leave one day, he ran away- never to be heard from again (thats one way to fade). I had to get a divorce because I could no longer pay for our house, our cars, or the credit card debts we had together & I had to declare bankrupsy to get out from underneath it all. But with the divorce I was still not free to remarry under jdub laws (he did not reveal any adultery). I thought, ok-I can live the rest of my life in this system of things alone, I am only in my mid twenties & armageddon will be here soon. Ha (cynical laugh)

Five years later I woke up, woke up to a life where I felt empty inside- I prayed everyday to die, I was alone, had no friends (I was not good association because I divorced my husband), I could not pioneer or have any special priveleges like in the RBC (I was not good association because I divorced my husband), I had no education to get a better job to improve my situation (I couldn't go to college, that would not make me good association)- I was stuck!

So I frequented the local coffee shop everyday (I am addicted to caffene, I guess that makes me bad association) & I started talking to a local guy there. We sat on the couch there almost everyday and talked about every subject under the sun, IT WAS SO NICE!! Someone actually wanted to talk to me and didn't judge me or was afraid I was going to seduce them because I was a single sister who could not remarry. That continued for months, then jdub pioneers started catching me there with him. Then things spiralled out of control, I was dragged into meetings, I was confronted by family members hysterical, judging me. Nothing romantic ever happened with me and my new friend (we were just good association for each other). One cousin yelled at me and said that all I want is sex, I had enough!

Six months ago I stopped going to meetings, I told my family that I did not want to be a witness anymore, enrolled in University (going to be a social worker), and I started dating the owner of the coffee shop I frequented every day (known as Coffee Shop Guy on this site) & I just moved in with him. Now jdubs are starting to see me with Coffee Shop Guy in public and the poop is hitting the fan all over again. I hate feeling like "I got caught".

The rest of my family shuns me, except my mother. I have told her nothing about Coffee Shop Guy, she thinks I quit being a jdub to go to college. My father is not a jdub and he allows me to come to the house so my mom cannot stop his wishes (he is the head of the household). Should I tell her? I desperatly want to keep a relationship with her, if the borg pushes for me to be DF'd I don't know what she will do- she is very devout. I hate living a lie too- I feel like I am lying every week when I go there to do things for her around the house (they are older and infirmed).

What do you all think? Should I tell her I have found the love of my life and I cannot go back to the borg? He is also 22 years older than me, that's rubbing salt on the wound- aaaarg, what do I do?

24

Were You Good At Field Service?

by WalkTall in

jw
friends

i used to be in awe at the jw's who were so good at the doors.

they were conversational, informative, and knowledgeable.

i sucked.

Coffee House Girl

No- I am a salesperson by trade(a pretty decent one, knowledgable, personable) but I always sucked at the doors- my mind would freeze and I would have no recall. I smiled and was friendly but went into every door thinking they were gonna be mean and turn me down (and they did). I hated door to door, and I would get my guts into knots if anyone suggested parking lots or businesses! I had in the end a few RV's that I never asked for a Bible study, I would just talk about their lives & their kids, and say at the end....oh here the new magazines for you.

At the end when I thought it was all horse crap it was excruciating to go out in FS, I probably got about 6hrs a month- I lied about going out when I didn't, I pretended to knock, I did whatever I could to not spread the "truth". Luckily, I had a lazy saturday group- not too zealous...

CHG

12

Lessons Learned....

by AllTimeJeff in

jw
friends

want to briefly address why i am here.. i did say i was done with jw forums.

and i am in a sense.

i would like to announce a couple of things.

Coffee House Girl

AT Jeff- Thanks for comming back to share a little with us, I know you can get hooked on this site easily, and recovery does mean moving on...sometimes you have to step back a bit and gain a little perspective,

I am glad you are still around to provide some help, I can vouch that your statements help me think rationally (I need all the help I can get, trust me).

I sometimes wrestle with the label too... I once proudly wore the label "Jehovah's Witness" (well not proudly sometimes)...then I left and I was still labelled by others (including my BF as a JW)- I finally had to say to him, "I don't go to meetings, I don't go out in FS, I am having premarital sex with you while still scripturally married to another, stop calling me a JW!" But last week he was talking with one of his friends and the first thing we talked about when he introduced me to her was my JW past....

its okay to talk about the past sometimes...but I would like to move on too, I like how you worded it not as an EX JW but I used to be a JW....I will remember to talk to Coffee Shop Guy about it sometime

Thanks!

CHG